After Hours
Nobody at work is going to tell you the truth about this person.
You've googled "how to deal with a difficult coworker" at 1 a.m. You've skimmed the articles. Communicate openly. Assume positive intent. Use "I feel" statements. All of it written like the person you're dealing with is a reasonable adult having a bad week.
They're not having a bad week. They're having the time of their life.
Fair warning. There is no HR-friendly version of this. It swears. It is not fair to the people it describes, on purpose. If you came here for leadership development, that work lives over at The Human Edge™ and it has its shoes on.
What this place is
Same behavioral science as the rest of this site. None of the manners. This is the coworker who takes credit in the same meeting you said it in, the ex who rewrites history, and the family member who has never once been wrong about anything.
These people don't live in your reality. That's why everything reasonable you tried made it worse.
You can lay out a perfect case, with evidence and receipts, and somehow still lose. Logic has been chasing these people their whole lives and they are faster. So nothing here is going to teach them logic. It's going to make you stop running the race.
You're in the right place if
- Somebody's face just popped into your head.
- You replay the conversation at 2 a.m., writing better lines.
- You have apologized just to make it stop, and then felt worse.
- You're tired of being called sensitive for noticing things that happened.
- You want to win without becoming them.
You're in the wrong place if
- You want to explore their childhood, their stress, and their whole tragic origin story.
- You want it to be fair to them.
- You need it to be polite.
- You want a script you can read out loud in a compliance training.
Meet the cast
You'll recognize at least four of them before you finish this page. One of them is going to sting.
01
The Reality Glitch
What they said is so far from what happened that your nervous system starts buffering.
02
Wrong Again
They rewrite what happened until somehow you're the one apologizing.
03
It's Juuuust a Joke
The insult with a laugh stapled to the end so you can't call it what it was.
04
This Will Never Work
The forecast is always shady, with a 100% chance of you failing.
05
Nobody Asked
"That's not how I would do it." You weren't doing it for them.
06
I Can't Never Could
They know how. They just know you will, if they wait long enough.
07
Do You Have Any Grapes?
The one you can't block, mute, ghost, or move away from. You've fantasized about all four.
08
It Wasn't Me
It's on the camera. In HD. With audio. Still not them, apparently.
09
NoneYa
Met you eleven minutes ago and is already in your business. We haven't made it past the potato salad.
10
Yes, Very Sad. Anyways
The story is real and it's awful. The permanent hall pass is not.
11
The Same Play
Different costume, different person, same three moves every single time.
12
Cool, Cool, Cool, Cool, Cool
What to do with all of it, now that you can't unsee it.
Free reading
One situation at a time. What they're actually doing, why what you've been trying keeps failing, and the words you say instead. No email required.
The book
Everything above, in order, with the whole toolbox.
Out now · Book One
Why Are They Like This?!
When Your Problems Have Personalities
A field guide to the people who make you say what is wrong with them. Not a plan to fix them. A plan to stop losing to them. Twelve chapters, twelve people you already know, and exactly what to say instead of the thing you've been saying for years that keeps not working.
Here's the part nobody tells you: they're all running the same play. Once you see it, you don't get to unsee it. That's the whole point.
What's coming
One book was never going to cover it. There are more of them out there and they're getting bolder.
In progress
The Why…?! Series
Book one was the people. The series keeps asking the question, because the answer changes depending on who's in the room.
Coming
Shut Up and…
A trilogy for the ones who are done talking about it.
- Shut Up and Pay Attention
- Shut Up and Prove It
- Shut Up and Take It
Coming
I Hear You. Stop That.
Empathy has a limit and somebody needs to say so out loud. Plus a companion for the parents currently being negotiated with by a seven-year-old.
Who's talking
KC Coler
Psychology degree. Fifteen years in restaurants, which is a psychology degree with worse hours. Four daughters. A very long memory.
During business hours she teaches leaders how to communicate. She writes this because the advice that works in a conference room falls apart in a parking lot custody swap, and nobody was writing for that parking lot.
She learned all of it the hard way. One bad reaction at a time.
The List
Get told when the next one lands.
One email when a book drops, and occasionally when something is worth saying. No funnel. No seven-part sequence. No "hey, just circling back."
Put Me On It →Unsubscribing is allowed and I will not make it weird.
Once you see it, you don't get to unsee it.
There's a weird second of grief in that. The old you got to believe the jokes were jokes and the concern was concern. You will not miss it.
Start Reading →